The Journey Continues… Float 6
Confidence & self-esteem go hand in hand. They both play a role in our self-talk. Self-talk affects our self-worth & our view on our self-worth affects our confidence. For addicts, I have found that one of the most important things a newly recovering addict must focus on is improving their self-worth.
Many addicts suffer with poor confidence & low self-esteem. I believe this comes from years of the uncertainty of who we are. Trying to figure out our roots, paths and where we should be heading. For me it was very easy to lose my path since I did not grow up in a stable home. Without this foundation and stability I found it very difficult to focus on whom I was, what I wanted and where I wanted to go. Uncertain on how to deal with all the issues that were in front of me (the insecurities of who I was, who I should be & where I belonged), that when I was introduced to drugs, it made it easy to decide to “not make any decisions” while under the influence. And for me at the time seemed like the quickest fix. Now I realize that quick fixes are not what I desire, but long-term solutions and corrections to character defects. For me I define character defects by all the things, little quarks and beliefs that I either find fault in, want to correct or need to remedy by finding another way to look, deal or cope with things.
There are reasons an addict develops an addiction. Some causes are evident like abuse, gender issues etc. While some reasons are not evident, and have deeper roots. I believe the later is one a large factor for how an addiction develops in the first place. I’m not sure about you, but for me not knowing, is always the hardest!
Many addicts internalize insecurities, such as feelings of unworthiness, not fitting in, identity issues and the like. Once these are internalized and the person is not sure how to deal with such issues, it is easy to forget about them with the aid of an outside source, like drugs. Many people are very lucky in that they have no desire or simply do not like the affects of drug induced states, while others, those who are susceptible into becoming addicts are absolutely enthralled by the affects produced with outside influences.
Today I will focus on my self-worth, self-esteem and confidence. I do not need anyone to acknowledge me, to accept me or to judge me. What I need more than anything is to believe I am worthy, to have the confidence to make the right choices for my life.
I will do this by meditating while in the pods. I have chosen a cave system for this exercise, as caves symbolize the unconscious mind, hidden internal feelings & desires. The cave also symbolizes a place where the self and ego unite. I will enter the cave and have to word confidence etched on the ceiling of the cave. That way I have to look up to see the word confidence which to me is a symbolisms’ to how people with good self-esteem look up and how people with poor self-esteem look to the ground, as they unconsciously feel unworthy to meet others gazes. I will consciously look up to the etching throughout the meditation & embody the word confidence. I will do this by using affirmations & reminding myself of all the amazing things I have accomplished and or am good at.
This was a really good exercise & I came out feeling refreshed, feeling strong & feeling on top of the world. I became lost in my cave system, wandering around focusing on the trickle of water flowing form the hidden cracks & crevasses. I felt very connected to this cave. This was a very good grounding meditation. I would recommend for all women to do this mediation, as it really lifted my spirits.
Until next time…Peace be with you…